Angel Out Of Sight
by IntoTheWilds
Summary: ONE-SHOT: SEQUEL TO FIRST IMPRESSIONS: Everything comes to a head and Hotch doesn't know how he can say goodbye...


DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds or its characters!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay I've been meaning to do this for a while. This is a short one-shot sequel to my heartbreaking one-shot 'First Impressions' and I'm sobbing writing it because what prompted it is my grandfather dying in hospital. We've been watching him decline the last few days and this was my way of purging some of the ache, so here it is and WARNING: Tissues may be required.

IntoTheWilds

xxxx

* * *

It was bound to happen eventually, the others finding out. Spencer just didn't intend it to be like this.

After the practical breakdown in Hotch's office two months previous Spencer had sworn the man to secrecy. He was not ready to tell the rest of the team how sick he was, hell, he doubted he'd ever be. Hotch wasn't happy about it, but he kept things to himself and went along with it. The pair went back to being a couple, to the secret delight of their team, because it brought about a change in Spencer. His depression seemed to lift, oh there were still rather morose days when the boy was in pain or just plain angry at the world, but mostly a calm acceptance had fallen over him. Spencer stopped refusing invites. It was a shock to the others, but their favourite genius became suddenly very social. He went to a couple of birthdays he at one time would've wiggled out of. Nights out with the team—everything—while secretly enjoying it and holding each and every memory close to his heart. In truth it was all this that kept him going. Oh he continued to deteriorate, losing weight, suffering in silence, but ever Spencer he took it all in stride. Until it all became too much.

Spencer knew the world shouldn't be spinning. The Unsub had gotten nowhere near him and Morgan stood between them both until the final moment when the older Agent put a bullet between his eyes. In honesty he shouldn't have even been in this situation. Hotch had been keeping him out of the field the past couple of weeks—of course he'd have preferred he didn't work at all but it _was _Spencer—but as usual trouble tended to find Spencer no matter what precautions were taken and it was just his luck the Unsub had been mad enough to walk right into a precinct full of cops fully armed. The pain that had been niggling at him all day truly hit him when he stood up. He had been achy on and off in his lower back for a few days now, but nothing like this.

It hit in a fiery blaze and it was a miracle he could stay standing. Spencer was vaguely aware of things settling down, nothing was really computing through the fog of pain and when his stomach rolled violently he couldn't contain it, which was how the young doctor ended up on his knees vomiting up blood. Morgan spun around at the sound of his friend's violent retching and everything in his world all but imploded. "HOTCH!" He bellowed before darting toward Spencer. A present Cop called paramedics and Hotch joined Morgan beside the heaving male not two seconds later.

His expression pained, but relatively calm, "Spencer, baby, where does it hurt?"

Spencer tried to control himself and by a miracle he managed it looking up at Hotch. Barely coherent he gestured weakly at his lower back and whimpered when even that hurt. Hotch paled. The doctors said this would happen. He was no expert, but he had a feeling Spencer was going into renal failure and suddenly Spencer didn't have months, no, his beautiful lover had mere days.

"Hotch what—oh my God Spence!"

JJ, followed by an equally as white Alex dropped down beside the youth who had passed out in Hotch's arms, horrified by all of the blood and how so suddenly Spencer looked a ghost of his former self. Good at hiding it Spencer had been able to fool them for so long, but he couldn't any longer. The game was up and soon Spencer would be but a memory.

* * *

X-x-X

* * *

Spencer came too in hospital several hours later and knew by the floating cloud feeling he was dosed to high heaven with morphine. A small piece of him recoiled in horror, but the rest knew it was necessary. It took quite a bit to bring himself around and when he finally managed it, he found Hotch pacing back and forth with Morgan in the corner head in his hands and shoulders slumped in defeat.

Swallowing heavily the boy croaked out, "H-Hey."

Hotch and Morgan were both at his side in seconds and by Morgan's expression Spencer knew he knew. Tears were quick to fill his glassy hazel eyes and he babbled apologies, but Morgan hushed him. None of it mattered in the grander scheme of things. The morphine dulled everything, but Spencer got the gist of it. His kidneys had failed and that gave him roughly twenty-four to forty-eight hours before everything else started to shut down with it and suddenly he wasn't afraid anymore. He had settled everything, Hotch had promised to continue with his mothers care and he had written letters to everyone, including Jack and Henry. In everyone he had left something behind, something they could take out on those nights where it still hurt and look at it. Something that was Spencer's only to give, his heart and very soul. In everyone he had touched they had a part of him. He had left his mark, his legacy and would pass on knowing he was loved.

Things were jumbled after that. It was exceedingly hard for the youth to hold a thought and the more time that past the harder it got. The entire team were there, Spencer was only vaguely aware of Emily dropping in—of course it could have been Alex. Nothing made sense anymore, not with his mind rapidly failing him, not while he quickly faded away.

* * *

X-x-X

* * *

By sheer force of will Spencer had lasted almost four days. Hotch sat by his bedside reading to him and clutching his hand, brittle fingers lost within his own and that's when it happened. The heart monitor, which had been letting out a fairly steady rhythm, had begun to drop and Hotch knew it was time. Like he and the doctors discussed he didn't bother calling anyone. Just scrambled up onto the bed and got comfy.

"You know I thought the hardest loss I was ever going to suffer was Haley, but I've come to learn I was so very wrong about that. You've been my whole world for so long Spencer that I don't know how I'm going to ever let you go." Hotch's voice clogged with emotion and he looked up only when the door opened and the team piled in. Their cheer which they had been trying to keep up all these days died when they caught sight of the monitor and together each of them took a spot at Spencer's bedside.

"I don't even know if you can hear me Spencer," Hotch whispered softly stroking Spencer's wiry hair, just ghosting a touch over his hollow cheek, "but know I love you and I always will."

Spencer's hand twitched in Hotch's and with that last soft reply Spencer slipped away. The flat line was louder than any of them expected, but it was time for Spencer to let go and with it heaven had gained one more Angel.

**The End**

* * *

_"When the skies are looking bad my dear__  
And your heart's lost all its hope  
After dawn there will be sunshine  
And all the dust will go  
Skies will clear my darling  
Now it's time for you to let go.."_

**_Lucy Spraggan (Tea and Toast_**_)_


End file.
